I will be with you when you lose your breath

http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=273941726

Erin may be dead, but Distance lives on, and is a myspace ho.

Don't take this with a pinch of salt. Don't disregard me!!! There is NO LIFE here for me anymore. Don't take this lightly!!! I'm sick of it!!! DONT LAUGH IT OFF!!!!!! I'm sick of screaming inside, I'm sick of feeling this. TAKE ME SERIOUSLY FOR ONCE!!!

Sing me to sleep, sing me sleep. I don't want to wake up on my own anymore.

...Please know however, that I did choose you, although these days it's something I regret more than I can say. Everything could have been different, but I chose what I thought was the 'safe' option. And please know, as well, that I really did give everything I was after that. Until there was nothing left. But everything wasn't enough. I was never, not ever, good enough. You have humiliated me and made a joke of the life I thought I had. The life I thought was safe, was going to be forever. How dare you pretend when there was no love there. Not for me, only for what I could do for you. Because real love is forever. Fuck you if you can't understand that. That's why I'm going. Gone.

Sing to me, sing to me. And then leave me alone. Don't try to wake me in the morning - cuz I will be gone.

Every time I go past that photo machine in the city, I remember that night. When I used to see it before, I would feel sad, because I lost you, because I didn't have the strength to choose you. But lately, I smile. And I think that night is my favourite memory now. Because it was real. Everything with you was always real. I remember all those nights and I loved you so much it hurt inside. For the first time, for the last time, it was real. I don't know what happens now. I don't mind so much, not anymore. "Some of us prefer illusion to despair". I wish I hadn't taken the easy way out. I just didn't want to be alone. I thought there would always be room for me there, and that gave me the kind of joy I never thought I deserved. It just wasn't real. It really was a dellusion, the kind I swore I'd never indulge again. But god, it did feel real. So betrayed, so destroyed by that. I guess first impressions should not be taken so lightly. Because I knew. I knew it and for a while I could deny it, but in the end I felt it changing. I felt it slipping. I felt you slip away, a little more each day. To hell with you for making me think I was just being stupid. I hope you die for the misery that you gave me (Gyroscope lyric skillfully inserted).

Well that's about all I have to say about everything. It doesn't matter how much I rage about anything that's happened, it doesn't change it. Goodbye, everyone, and believe me when I say it. A little more each day, soon I won't exist any more. This life is completely and utterly ashes. Why do I have to be the one!? Come when I'm called and leave when I'm told to, always!!! I'm always the one that gets replaced, I'm the one that gets my life ripped to pieces! I fucking hate you, I will hate you as long as I live!!! And don't take any of this lightly, i'm sick of being laughed at! You can all laugh, just as much as you like, and by the time you stop you'll realise I wasn't FUCKING JOKING!

Don't feel bad for me, I want you to know. Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go.

And yeah, it actually -was- so that you'd smell like him.

Well this has certainly been a weekend of little sleep and too many stimulants. Friday night went to Club Phoenix with Matt and Tracey. Ran into old friend Helen, Dave and a couple of other people. Ended up getting home about 1pm on Saturday and falling asleep for a few hours, before heading to Schverkraft. Was good times, danced till my foot bled. Got cracked onto a lot. Didn't drink much due to limited funds. But oh, what a night. Had really good chats with a few people although one in particular has me questioning my whole self image. Well, I don't know, it's a defence mechanism I can't get by without putting my walls up and being distant from people who make my life hurt. There's only a few people that I ever really let my guard down with, although I'd never really thought about it before. But really what does it matter? I'm not good enough anyway, so why not be distant?

I wish an attractive person of some description would turn up at my door right now with an anti pesto platter for me. I really, really wish my friends would stop reporting things to me that they see. I don't want to know, MEANS, I don't want to know! I know they mean well, but I wish people could understand that the smallest thing can trigger me, I'm barely staying afloat as it is so to speak. Maybe I shouldn't be so closed off to everyone cuz then maybe they'd see that I'm screaming inside. But I can't. How do you SLEEP at night?


Me and Jen after Schverkraft closed, dancing to our mp3 players...Note at this point my toes were bleeding, but I was too hyped up to realise. SAFE FOREVER!!! FOREVER!!!

I start my traineeship thing tomorrow, woah scary. Here's hoping I do not screw up. Here's pictures.


What went wrong cuz you said this was right...

( Photos of a weekend of excess )

( Mercy Seat )
gosh I love this song. Eh today was a bit of a waste of time. Travelled to Chermside to get my RSA but was unable to locate the place I needed to go, receiving several different versions of directions lol. Eh, it's all good. Strangely though, yet again, I found myself getting paranoid and very worried at the thought that I was there for nothing. Like I was sure that I had to be there for some REASON, and I was just waiting for that something to happen...Well it was strange and I thought that it was behind me but I suppose not. Relapse, fall apart and start again. Nothing left to lose. The trick is to keep breathing...

Damn you! Your'e so fucked up and alone! You take me, you take EVERYONE!

Yeah sorry, TRP interrupted my flow of writing. I think that was about all I needed to say though. I've felt incredibly sick from the heat the past week it's not been fun. So much to do and I procrastinate by doing -nothing-. I've been dreaming of the same place all week though. It doesn't even exist as far as I know. It's a place I live in my dreams though, a little flat above a club/shopping centre type place. And often other people are there too, but not in my flat. They're all downstairs in the club or at the shops. And if I'm there, they look right through me.

So, who's gonna be the one that crashes and burns? I think it will probably be you.

Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
And I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

Just yesterday
It always seemed like such a dream
We're unstoppable, indestructable
Nothing happens to our machine

And there's no harm
At least nothing we can see
As for you, not so true
You couldn't choose where his road would lead

What a loss
You just lost all your sleep
And we've always thought
That this could never happen, you see

That it's so hard
You gotta get up on your feet
'Cause the only way, I gotta say
Is to move on through the week

Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
And I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

I'm sorry [x16]
(I'm sorry...) this happened to you [x4]

Don't bide your time
'Cause it is almost over
And I know you're down
And I'll see you around

And I know it hurts
But you're just getting older
And I know you'll win
You'll do it once again

I'm so worried about Tracey...I wish there was something anyone could do, even if it's not me, I just wish I knew. I wish I knew anything.

I got a job, though. Everything else that's going on with me is quite meaningless and transient. I can't indulge my emotions anymore, not for me. Just for her.

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	3.3
Mind:	2.7
Body:	4.5
Spirit:	2.9
Friends/Family:	5
Love:	0
Finance:	2.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Last night was incredibly average, which was sad. I just wasn't feeling it. It's not just my own =crap=, there were a couple of other factors. Eh, just more reasons to reject the idea of 'God'. I mean seriously. One person might want something so badly, and they can't have it. Someone who doesn't want it, gets it, and kills it. I just feel like I'm standing in the middle of the city and I'm screaming 'No don't let it be like this this isn't how things should be!! Don't let every fucking good thing in this world be a lie, don't let it be like this!' But no one can hear me.

O well, next weekend should be better. Sigh. The one who tore my life up is selling me artificial happiness. That's not really a fair trade, but it's humourous, I think. Well yeah I didn't take any photos last night. I don't know it was just odd. I just don't feel like myself lately. This past week has just been...so bizarre. I feel horrendously odd. HORRENDOUSLY! I know some truly beautiful people, though. I just hope this passes soon. I wake up in terror all the time I feel like someone is slipping me some really bad pills every 4 hours or something. Man I want chips and swiss cheese.

"My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you see, everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake, and they live in a state of constant, total amazement."

Strange week so far. Who is really in control, here? I don't think it's me, although I like to tell myself I am. That it gives me power. But really, it may just be what I've always done, and that's why I've been kind of down the past few days. Come when I'm called and leave when you tell me to.

But, it's a new beginning now, as cliched and ridiculously naive as that may sound. And yes, yes it hurts every day every minute. But I'm too distant from it all to care right now. I'm going to stay in control, I have to. I can't get back what's been ripped from me, so I have to do without it now. It hurts and it's cruel and hard and bitter. But from now on, I intend to expect more than I think I deserve. And the gods know, I've always deserved better than -that-.

Before too long...
A lesson learned to stand downwind and watch it burn.
To the lake wash away any trace of yesterday.
I'll take you home it'll be alright.
Tonight means nothing if we stay.
Tonight means nothing
Staying here will only breed obsession - and I'm already obsessed
If everything you see is your possession then I'm already possessed.
Careful kid, this is not your song (although it could be before too long)


Distance.

"...I'm not gonna tell you who you are. I don't know who you are. I know who wants to know. It's taken me all my life to find out who I am and I'm tired of your...."

YWNLM.

Yesterday...rocked. So much. Went out for breakfast in Southbank in the morning...well actually we missed breakfast (finishes at 11am!!! Psshhh), but had other stuff stuff which was groovy. Then wandered the city/valley with Adrian and later met up with Rawry, Steph and Dice. Twas nice, although we stayed out a bit late and I had a mad rush to try get ready for the Fascination Street Ball. Arrgghhh such a good time! Unfreakinbelieveable. After Wednesday night's antibiotics + alcohol debaucle, I took it easy on the beer. I think I rather prefer being a sober idiot to being a drunken idiot. Not enough darncing was had...well it closed at 1 so there wasn't much time :(. But it was still good fun, and afterwards went to the Pancake Manor with Adrian, Mark and Didly. Weeoooo I totally stole some of her wedges with cheese on them!~!!!!! They should freakin well put cheese on EVERYTHING!

Well here are pics from the manor. Well...Adrian camwhored mostly. Eh but if I were that good at it, I spose I would as well ;P. giggity giggity giggity GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <<

Note that these were taken after we had all been clubbing and then walked from New Farm to the Pancake Manor, hence tired expressions, smudged makeup. Trashy is the new hot, though. Sure! Gosh I look tired.



( more more more more more!!!!! )

Well I'm a bit late with my 'weekend entry' due to a couple of factors. First and foremost, Centrelink have officially made me their bitch and are actually making me DO THINGS for my lousy pay. Second, this chest infection type disease which has taken me over seems to be getting worse. Hopefully the antibiotics which I self medicated myself with will do the trick.

Well, Friday night Faith was pretty good as per usual. A bit more chilled out than weeks past and less dancing than there should have been. This was due to my sickness which seems to bring about lethargy, and to the extreme heat on the dancefloor which made me more content to sit outside in the breeze. Underwear was shown, a girl was kissed, advances were made (not by me), and little sleep was had afterwards. Some people were 'nice' to me due to their 'good moods'. Which was...nice. All my friends were simply amazing as usual, with little exception.

Saturday, headed out to the middle of nowhere for my mum's birthday. FIFTY! Arg. Yeah, my cousin and aunties were up from Tasmania, and were joined by others at mum's birthday dinner that night. My goodness, much food was had. All you can eat is my poison. Spent the night at their place and although that house is fraught with memories I'd rather repress, I think all in all it was an okay time. I think my mum enjoyed the night and that is what matters. I hope that she did, because she f***ing well deserves it. Outlet shopping on Sunday in Harbourtown. Not much of interest was found although for some reasons I got a new pair of chux. They are fairly nice, and my old ones are quite disgusting and stained with red dirt. So eh. Now I just need a new outfit to go with them. Which isn't going to happen because my funds are, once again, dangerously low.

And again, with this. Well at the moment I'm just focussing on getting over this chest infection. It's far too hard to think about life or the direction it's going in or what I want, when I'm feeling like this. That said, I really, really, should be taking my sleeping pills and going to bed very soon. I need to be in Mitchelton at 9am. A cunning plan by the government to un-reverse my sleeping pattern. Sigh. They just don't want you to be happy.

And now, the pics from Faith :)


Oh whose underwear is that?! Yeah it was glowing in the UV. Sadly you can't tell that. So I just look like I'm flashing for no REASON. But there WAS a reason, I assure you.
( More pics pics pics )

and now a brief musical interlude:

Remember when you ran away and I got on my knees and begged you not to leave because I'd go berzerk?
Well, you left me anyhow and the days got worse and worse and now you see I've gone completely out of my mind.

And: They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha! (x2)

You thought it was joke and so you laughed, you laughed when I had said that losing you would make me flip my lid, right?
You know you laughed, I heard you laugh, you laughed, you laughed and laughed and then you left, but now you know I'm utterly mad!!!!

And and and and and and and.... they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha!
they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away ha ha!!

I cooked your food, I cleaned your house, and this is how you paid me back for all my kind unselfish loving deeds. Huh?!!!
Well you just wait they'll find you yet, and when they do they'll put you in the ASPCA you mangy mutt.

They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
To the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and I'll be happy to see those nice men in their clean white coats
And they're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho!
To the happy home with trees and flowers and chirping birds and basket weavers who sit and smile and twiddle their thumbs and toes
They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away! they're coming to take me away! They're coming to take me away! They're coming to take me away! .........

It wasn't so much comfort as it was familiar, something half remembered from a dream. A one night stand that has recurred so many times it's a ritual, but always different, always surprising, never safe. Was it ever? I can't remember how it was, back then. Vague memories of clinging nights, of sentiments softly spoken and sure to be betrayed. Looking back, and perhaps it shouldn't have been so shocking, the way it all came to an end. Perhaps there was warning, but at the time there was too much love to see it. To use a cliche, I suppose it blinded me.

All that I can remember now really is just...moments. Tiny, insignificant moments in the dark. Those times when I felt like I'd come home. I suppose that will always be what I'll miss, that dellusion of stability. The false hope of unending happiness. And now all that remains is that lingering familiarity of physivcality, nothing more. Maybe there never really was any more to it than that. It would be nice to hope that there was, but these weeks of bitterness and sorrow seem to have hollowed out any real rememberance of love. No longer would we wish to posess one another, because there is nothing more to see for either of us. That was all I was and all I could have been. And to give that much and go so far, when it all gets ripped to shreds, well, you really can't go back. I gave you the best, the worst, the most of me, and I can't seem to get it back. Now everything is distant, I see it vaguely and feel it fleetingly.

Lust is the safe emotion, lust is the impure and gripping emotion that you can throw away when you're finished. Lust is all that should have been, but like fools we turned it into something that could hurt and scar. Like every pair of naive and broken children before us, we let a simple feeling envelop us in something more sinister and consuming. Something that ate me alive. Something that could turn cold and break me. Distance is needed, distance is pure. Distance from myself, release from myself. Physical - that can be trusted. Emotional - you're in trouble, kids. Dream of me, don't wake me up. Wake me up when the distance has brought me back. Back to something more tangible, but until then, I dream, and it's beautiful, and dance, dance like no one's watching. Dance like you've never been hurt, lust like you've never been left.

But I think in all, it's what's needed. To see things for what they were and are and could or should be. See it all in one moment. Look to the stars and you're gone.

:D Haha I am so cool

Yeah okay fuckin bite me, this journal is more often than not just a photo album. It's not my problem!!! Well I guess it kind of is.
Ya got the pics from Jack :)

Psssst....I have no beer left!

*pouts*
( drunkity drunk drunk! )
<3

FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT!
Ahhhh what a crazy weekend I had. Went to see The Red PAintings on Saturday afternoon at Valley Fiesta, and caught up a little with Michelle. TRP were great, although didn't play Mercy Seat which I was disappointed about because it's the song that I really 'feel' of theirs right now. But I can understand that they didn't want to play a cover, they wanted to just do a set with only their original stuff which is fair enough. Ran into Mark and Dave who were also watching The Red Paintings and went and had a few drinks with them along with Tracey and Tristan. Gotta say...it was weird to look at someone I once thought I loved crazily, and feel -nothing-. (Is that how you feel when you look at me??)

Leesha, who I met at Club Phoenix the other week with Mattie came and met up with me and I headed to The Metro with her for Schverkraft. As with all Faith events, it was beautiful it was wonderful, there were soul destroying moments and there were moments when I thought I was going to die and be okay with that. Leesha is an amazing girl, and along with her I had so many others around me and I could feel it, really feel it, that adoration I have for all of them and I knew it would be okay. I don't want to go through and name names of everyone who moved me to joy that night, but I hope that they know who they are. Seriously, I never thought I deserved the kind of amazing people I have in my life. I never thought I deserved anything but to be alone and sleep alone and die alone. And as lonely as I am, I know I'm not alone. It's not enough, it's not, and I would love to leave this all behind but I know, I know I'd be losing a lot more than I'm willing to. So I hope one day it will be enough. Because I was cold as the moon, did you notice it?

Darnced, darnced, darnced for hours with everyone until the club closed and then back to Leesha's for a couple of hours sleep. (omg she has the most comfortable bed!!! and lent me pajamas with monkeys on them!!!)

Leesha drove me home this morning and I got changed and headed to New Farm Park for the BGF meetup...It was a lovely day although I was rather exhausted but I felt content and very zen like. Had lots of nice talking and ate some yummy food. Some goth boys all sat up in a tree. Went on the citycat and felt free. Had a few drinks at the Good Knight Bar with Mark, played pool, then headed home. And here I am. And it is now 12.31AM and I hope to sleep tonight at some stage...maybe.

And you know, I tried to sell that choker on ebay, but the guilt got unbearable and it is still the nicest present anyone has ever given me. Not just because of what it is, but because of what it meant and it was the first time anything ever meant that. I tried to throw that away but I can't. I just wish I could be cold as the moon forever. I'll try harder. My life is fucking amazing at the moment. Seriously. Love. But I still cry myself to sleep, and I can't keep doing that to Matt, especially, I know he doesn't need this crap. I learnt how to say 'I love you' in sign language.

YOU STUPID MOTHER FUC-!


Zomg it's Marky Mark. (Dave was too cool to have a photo with us. Of course!

Yeah this is me outside Schverkraft, saying exactly what was on my mind! (After having tried to teach the wall a lesson) Lol (Mainly a 4 letter word -- have you gotten AIDS yet? My compass just went CRAZY!)
( Photos from Schverkraft and from BGF Meetup )

I hate you because I CAN'T hate you.

Happy fucking birthday birthday boy birthday girl

Yeah Gloria Jeans meetup last night not as many people showed up as usual but twas still good good. Then went to Matt's and my webcam/camera/Jack's camera got a fair bit of use. Dear me. And I was sposed to be in the Botanical gardens right about now. :( I'm sorry Amy, my bed is just too wonderful right now....

What a winning smile I have.
( more drunken pics )

lawl.

Without Music by ~samexmistake on deviantART
Based on a photo from Lovecats.

Now.You.See.How.Far.I.Fell.And.How.You.Make.Me.Suffer.

I wish you cared what I did. I guess I'm jealous of that, because if it had been you, you probably would have laughed. As usual. I wish you -really- knew just how much you hurt me, and just how close I came. Mother fucker. That's why you're not in this fucking journal anymore. Hatelovehatelovehatelove!!! C*#@)($

We're told to accept the fact that life goes on and nothing is forever, Nothing.
But I dont want to accept this!
Don't want to see it all as just a dead thing before it dies!
I had something!
I had something beautiful!!
The world still spun around in all its arbitrary fury,
But I had something to hold tight to, something beautiful!

And I fucked it up!
I did exactly what i never wanted to do, I turned it into something cold and weary!!
Now screaming in fear, I hold tighter and it squirms away, pushing me off!!

And the faster I run to catch it, to hold it, the faster it runs to escape, the more it recoils from my touch.
Dreaming of a world that has stopped dreaming of me, going away, driven away by the more desirable idea of new dreams.

And I don't seem to be accepting it.
And i don't want to accept it!
I dont want to get used to losing the few things that make me feel!
I was the filth! ...But I had something.

And the noise in my head with all its voices repeats one thing, incessantly, more than anything else,
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, DONT LET ME GO NOW. Dream of me, don't let me wake up!"
But i know it's only noise.

Seriously, this is all I have to prove I existed on Saturday night!? I think Amy got pics at The Clarence. We shall see.

edits - yep! I am very small but...you can see the cool sleeve sort of.


.you.didn't.see.how.far.I.fell.and.how.you.made.me.suffer.

Lovecats last night. Please ignore my early morning no sleep entry, and focus on this 6.50pm no sleep entry. Yeah well, certain people were arrogant pricks, but others were too beautiful for words. It was lovely to see Michelle out since I have not seen her out and about in a long while, and the darncing was had and it was good.

OMG AMERICA'S NEXT TOP MODEL IS SO STUPID WHY DO I WATCH IT!!!???

But yeah I love Matt he is my red haired angel. I don't fucking care what anyone else might have said in the past, they were probably just idiots who didn't know what they were talking about and never even took the time to know him. He is one of the only people I truly trust and he's the only one who's still there for me where all others have left. I think out of everything last night, the dancing and talking and trying to mend bridges or offer apologies when I should have just stood on faces, well I think the main thing that came out of it all and that I'm truly thankful for is for those hours dancing with him and feeling like everything was really okay again. And that's why I knew he'd never leave without saying goodbye. Well I could go through and name names of all the other awesome, but I mostly just wanted to say that and please excuse bad writing and sentence structure and whatever else because I have not been to bed yet.

Before Lovecats I went to the Clarence for a while with the Red Paintings kids, and ended up having a really good chat with Trash which was actually very cool considering I thought he would have forgotten me and my name and what I look like by now since it's been a loooong time. But yeah some of the kids snorted Pixi Sticks I didn't though, because I have had a bad experience with Wiz Fiz and I don't wish to go there again.

Well I got my pink laptop today and I have named him Brian Molko he is very sexy and very effeminate, but totally hardcore. He could like...totally run games if he wanted to. Cheh I'm not even kidding. He's got a dvd burner. I bet that you don't. Well if you do I don't care because Brian is pink with shiny silver keys and buttons and I adore him and we are going for coffee together sometime soon.

My neck and back ache from dancing, as do my legs. Feeling half dead and still throwing yourself around...it's intensely gratifying.

I hope to see Sam this week, I think I need it in some way. Because he hasn't been far from my mind since last September....and now a year's gone by and I was filled with joy to receive that message. Gosh my eyes are all fog-vision right now. I wish I had some photos (especially of Matt and Jack grind dancing/other things) but alas, I did not have a camera with me. That's okay. I think I will remember the sight quite easily. o_O

Oh yeah and I kind of like Windows Vista. I put it in classic mode of course cuz I'm old fashioned. But I really like the way music/pictures/documents are organised. Everything is really easy to access.

I deserve so much better than you, I'm so happy you've given me the chance to find that.

Well...it was just euphoria.
Eh.
I ripped it to shreds. I guess that's all there is to it now.
I'm moving soon.
As far as I can go.

Please stand by...

Switch last night - freaky cool time. The music was tops, the dancefloor was incredible and the people were just lovely. Spent Wednesday night at Matt and Krystle's, we watched a couple of movies and whatnot. It was good to get out of the house because it's been a really hard week and once again those guys saved me from myself, for another night at least.

Looking good makes people treat you better. It's something I've noticed. If I put effort into my clothes/makeup/hair people seem just down right more polite, helpful and kind. Maybe it's to do with confidence as well, because I know that when i'm having a blah day and slouching around in a baggy BAND NAME tshirt and jeans, no makeup and hair unkempt, well it's not likely that I'm going to be feeling my best. But yeah. It's sad but true and I think I'll be okay with it, and keep making an effort, because it makes me feel better. As long as it doesn't get to the extent that you're putting on makeup and heels just to go down and get a loaf of bread etc from the corner store.

Speaking of heels, Shoe City asked me to bring my Red peppers in for them to look at, and that they'll replace them if the damage is as bad as i say. (AND IT IS!!). It's pretty freaking nice of them, I was just wandering the city today doing some shopping for an outfit for Saturday night, and went in there on a whim thinking maybe they could direct me to the nearest place to stock some sort of crazy strong glue that would keep the soles of the boots stuck to the rest of them. But yeah they just wanna give me new boots. So tomorrow is a pretty busy day (by my standards and high maintenence ways).

Oh yeah also saw Lain last night before Switch...and just remembered now that I was meant to call her at 2am woops. Anyway, she said I seemed more 'together' than I had been recently. I think that's a good thing. Matt still knows i'm hurting though. Maybe you just can't put it past some people. But I guess it's just how it is.

Well I best be getting back to creating the Outfit of Doom. Seriuosly, this one is going to be...legendary. Well okay it's really just a shirt, that I will wear with either my PVC or buckle skirt....

Oh yeah I'll chuck up the pics from Switch. Please excuse my drunk. I smiled?? XP
Well I guess it's nice to know that I can still do that. (Although I was on.......nothing!!!*)


The one good photo of me. With hat.
( More pikchures. )
*Something.

You haven't really moved on until you stop reading their horoscope.

Today was really hard.

Really fucking hard.

But it's over.

Did you see how far he fell and how he made us suffer?

Well this week has been...up and down, to say the least. Again, I want to record that I have fucking amazing friends, I adore all of them so much. It's all I have and all I need right now, and for that I'm really thankful. Went to Pancakes on Wednesday night with Krystle, then went to Phoenix and met up with Matt. Had really good talks that night which has been needed I think. It's weird, how much both of us have changed and grown the past year but I still consider him my closest friend. I feel like lately I've been such a downer when we go out a lot of the time. Guilt.

Also got chatted up to the point of ridiculousness by randoms. I guess it does my ego well but at the same time it's just fucking depressing. No one fucking sees me, they just want to get me naked. It pisses me off, how can anyone pretend like they really want to *know* me if they're trying to kiss me the first night I meet them. I'm -sick- of it, it's hollow and shallow and vapid and fleeting and I just want to have good times with my friends right now. I'm over trying to find meaning in a world that is so very devoid of anything actually substantial. All I have is my friends, and every single one of them makes it easier to accept that there isn't any more to it than this.

Faith on Friday night great music I have to say. It was alright, although my boots *suck*, kept coming apart. Danced with a lot of my favourite people such as AMY lol, and Pete, Nat, Justin I think even Matt danced with me in his own special way. Giggity! (Nah, not really). Yeah it was good times...for the most part. I don't know. I was just trying to be friendly (the way -friends- are?) but I get treated like I'm nothing, absolute dirt. Way harsh. No more pain, I'm so gone. I guess I really have just been living a dellusion.

Jack and Justin stayed at mine all Saturday then we went to the Pancake Manor it was really fun, danced a bit near the pool tables lol, didn't attempt to play pool though too many people there. Then Nat and Larni finished work and we went with them to some bar, had some drinks. Those girls are fantastic, seriously. Had a good wholesome time, got home around 5 or 6am this morning, then went to the Botanical Gardens around 12 for Magic in the Gardens with all the Red Paintings kids. It was fun. Got some photos too. All hail my ANGRY FACE. Yeah, running around in my bra in the gardens is very liberating.

Well here are the pictures.



( More Magic in the Gardens photos/couple of random photos )
I hope I have a good week this week. I think I got the job at Pancakes :). And hopefully getting pretty new clothes and things. This belt is so pretty!!! NEED!
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&rd=1&item=150155157176&ssPageName=STRK:MEWA:IT&ih=005
Stupid people bidding on it. MINE MINE MINE!!!!!
(Update - I WON IT!)
How does it feel, to treat me like you do?

Gosh it feels more like Saturday or Sunday. Been a busy week, which is a good fact. Well not much to say except that last night at Phoenix, everyone wanted to shag me. My pants add a plus 6 to my sexiness, although my skanky slut dancing is slightly brought down. (Cuz you can't dance skanky if you're not showing most of your legs/underwear).
Anyways, yeah it was pretty fun although the dance floor at Phoenix is laughable to me, the placement is wrong and it's far too small. Didn't get any photos, not really in the mood for it these days. Woo Faith tomorrow night. Got a better feeling about it this week, due to the fact that I'm not very excited about it. Can't believe the Metro is becoming a bakery. Freakin heck. I'll just be like 'This better be the best caramel slice I've ever tasted'. And if it isn't, I'll be lke 'Bye.'

Teaching Alex to pose for Myspace

My new pants. Yes, my vanity does not allow others to photograph me for fear of bad facial expressions.

( couple of camwhoring pics here )
Dropping the lolabomb! Urk why did i eat all that nutella? I'm gonna look like a marshmallow in my pvc top tomorrow night. Thumbs down.

Found 20 dollars.
Job interview.
Pants with a compass on them.
Pancakes on Wednesday night.
New computer this week.
Faith on Friday.
Thank you, karma police, now please don't let it all be a dream again.
"If everything's a dream, don't wake me".
What goes around comes around, you'll get yours. And that's what I'm living for at the moment, so watch your backs everyone.
I better go get ready. Did it for you girl, I did it for you, did it for you!!


There is no dream
So wake up run your lips across your fingers till you find
Some scent of yourself that you can hold up high
To remind yourself that you didn't die
On a day that was so crappy whole and happy you're alive

And you seem so bruised and it's beautiful
As it's reflecting off from you as it shines
And you're in the bathroom carving holiday designs into yourself
Hoping no one will find you but they found you
And they took you
And you somehow survived

There is no dream
So wake up and if the holidays don't hollow out your eyes
Then press yourself against whatever you find
To be beautiful and trembling with life
Because I'm so happy, I'm so happy
I'm so happy that you didn't die

"You know that feeling you get from some music/albums, where you feel the music in your chest and it matches how your soul feels exactly? Amidst the screaming, the guitars and drums and the bass there's this point of absolute nothingness and it fills you all at once and at the same time makes you feel every emotion you've ever felt before and it's so beautiful you could cry? You're standing in a crowd of people and suddenly you feel like they all feel it too, and for that time, even for a moment, a minute, half an hour, you really think that everything is going to be okay. You feel more lonesome than you've ever been before because you know that everyone is truly alone but at the same time it's beautiful and it's f***ing devastating at the same time and it's wonderful and terrible and you're ALIVE for the first time in days/weeks/months..... No? Well never mind. I feel that with a few bands lately and it's what I live for. It's what I always lived for. It's what I have to go back to living for again. For that and for my friends because what else is there? So, I think everything will be okay."

I wrote that maybe...a year ago? Yeah almost a year, probably more like 11 months ago. I love that number. But I digress, cuz it's funny how things like that come around again, feelings and things...Because that's exactly where I'm at once again and it's weird, but I guess I've grown a lot in that time and everything is different, especially me. But the feelings are still the same, basically, and I guess it's the same old thing that people come and go but my music will always be there for me, and that's all I ever really need.

I'll have a new computer next week, so that's exciting. My mum wanted to 'cheer me up' cuz I've been pretty down the past few weeks. Understatement maybe, maybe not. But hey, pink laptop! And I dunno, I just wanted to write down how amazing my friends are. And I'm glad I have them, because even though I was always such a self confessed loner, antisocial, etc. Lately, I feel like I want to be around people, but then sometimes when I am, I feel the urge to bail. Eh, this is all mindless rambling I guess. I guess I had something to say, but my mind is somewhere else entirely. Could be the Pure Blonde right here...yes it really could.

i am an accident waiting to happen...

New faces, same feelings, same heartbreak but always a little worse. But as long as you can say 'At least I tried', as long as you can think 'At least some good came out of this' Then I think, you can be alright again.

I need to stop writing...now. People will be here soon. Here are some pretty new pics....



( Clicking here could be hazardous to your health )

At Matt's place. He's playing WOW so I am emoing it up and updating Livejournal.
Oh and Helen if you read this I'm really sorry I had no credit to send you a message on Saturday night. We must catch up soon.
I shall watch Family Guy this day.

Everything's been wrong for years, I miss you Sam.

I got a place. Farewell internet and farewell regular meals.

I HATE YOU!!!!

All that's left is what you broke.

Okay so a dude a chick had sex on the floor. Afterwards the girl complained to the guy that she had carpet burn. He told her to take off her pants, and she did so. He then pulled out a lighter , set her pubic hair on fire, and said; "NOW you have carpet burn!"
("CARPET BURN!!!!")

A girl and her boyfriend had been dating for about 7 months and Christmas rolled around. On Christmas eve she showed up at her boyfriend's house wearing lingerie, and they proceeded to have sex. In the morning the boy rolled over and hugged his girlfriend and said, "Thank you for that, sex is the best Christmas present EVER!"
To which the girl replied, "The sex wasn't the present, the SYPHILIS was!"
("THE SYPHILIS WAS!!!")

Mabelliene released a new lipstick that would not get rubbed off after applied. The commercial for the new lipstick had a woman saying proudly: "It's the beerdick of lipstick - you just can't get it off!!"
("GET IT OFF!!!!!!")

A boy and his girlfriend were drinking at home one night. The boy said to the girl;
"I'm gonna go have a shower. I'll bring you a beer when I come back" then he laughed immaturely and said "Hehe...when I CUM"
The girl replied "I'd grab you a beer when I came, but then you'd never get one."

Updated 17/06/07

Did you hear about the girl who was a computer nerd, and she wore a chastity belt 24-7? She CBF.....
lololololol1!!!

Why didn't Brian Molko's pills make him feel better?
Cuz they were Placebos!!!! BAAHAHAHAHHA

Updated 19/06/07
Why did the nerd get carpet burn?
He ROFLed.

What do you call an inside-out umbrella?
And Unbrella.

And now some of my classic Emo Jokes (emo is the new goth! They get made fun of so that we don't have to be!):

Why didn't the emo want to meet her myspace friend in person?
Because she wouldn't be able to look up at him the whole time, or play with the contrast.

Why didn't the depressed emo slit his wrists?
Cuz the razorblade was rusty and he didn't want to get tetanus.

An emo and his girlfriend had a big fight on MSN. He said:
'That's is, I'm gonna go kill myself!!! Brb.'

Why do groups of emos like to have one really tall friend?
So they have someone to hold the camera.

What do you get if you insult an emo?
A poem on their livejournal.

(End emo-making fun of. for now)

Two goth kids went walking along the beach one fine and sunny morning....LOL!

(updated 21/06/07)
What food do they serve at the Beat? Gay Bars.

tbc.......

I find it increasingly hard to sleep at night. I can't believe it's almost been a year since everything that happened, yet another year of this wasted and ridiculous life. Just when I start to think things are going okay and I think maybe things are the way they should be, it's liable to come and hit me all over again. It's not that I'm -unhappy- with how things are. It's just that they're not how they should be.

The saddest thing in the world, is loving someone who used to love you.
Anonymous

We passed upon the stair, we spoke in was and when
Although I wasn't there, he said I was his friend
Which came as a surprise, I spoke into his eyes
I thought you died alone, a long long time ago

Oh no, not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With The Man Who Sold The World

I laughed and shook his hand, and made my way back home
I searched for foreign land, for years and years I roamed
I gazed a gazeless stare, we walked a million hills
I must have died alone, a long long time ago

Who knows? Not me
I never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World

Who knows? not me
We never lost control
You're face to face
With the Man who Sold the World

I remember a time before all of it...the last day I was happy. Before I was numb, before I was dumb, before I was picked out of the crowd.

Doctor Doctor help me
Doctor Doctor help me
Try to, try to help me
Doctor Doctor help me

Welcome back to the Sunday before you cut me,
Thinking back to the Monday you tried to blame me,
Looking back remember your revenge attacked me,
Rush of blood to the head of your line that crossed me,

Looking out, taking cover in case you saw me,
From the top, taking note of the notes you wrote me,
Looking back remember your attention drew me,
Hear me out, double cross - just cross me,

Doctor Doctor help me (help me)
Doctor Doctor help me (when will I see?)
Try to, try to help me (help me)
Doctor Doctor help me (when will I see?)

Hope you die for the misery that you gave me.
Hope you die, hope you die - love from me.

Doctor Doctor help me (help me)
Doctor Doctor help me (when will i see?)
Try to, try to help me (help me)
Doctor Doctor help me!

Stacy: "Thank you. [pause] You were right."
House: "He's gonna be fine."
Stacy: "No, about me. I'm not over you. You were— you were the one. You always will be. But I can't be with you."
House: "So I'm the guy. But you want the other guy, who by definition can never be the guy."
Stacy: What's so great about you is you always think you're right. What's so frustrating about you is you are right so much of the time. You are brilliant, funny, surprising, sexy. But with you I was lonely. And with Mark there's room for me. "

I like beer 'cuz it is good
I drink beer because I should
if there was a song to sing
I sing it and beer you bring
I drink beer when I am sad
'cuz the beer it makes me glad
now there's nothing left to say
so lets go drink beer...

Beer is good!
Beer is good!
Beer is good!
... and Stuff!

Beer is good!
Beer is good!
Beer is good!
let's go drink some BEER!

BEER, BEER, BEER, BEER!!!! (etc)

when its warm it taste's real crappy
but cold beer will make me happy
when I throw up on the floor
I can go and drink some more
they say beer will make me dumb
it are go good with pizza
now that we have drunk some beer
lets go drive a car...

Beer is good!
Beer is good!
Beer is good!
....and stuff!

Beer is good!
Beer is good!
Beer is good!
let's go drink some BEER!

BEER, BEER, BEER, BEER!!!! (etc)

uh dude.. I think you've had enough
...NOOOO!!!!!!!

lets go drink some beer!

I am drunk, drunk is me, I am drunk, wheee
I am drunk, drunk is me, I am drunk wheee
i am drunk, drunk is me, I am...

Yeah. It was cool. Too much fun. Here's pics.


( Friday 13th )

We're told to accept the fact that life goes on and nothing is forever, Nothing.
But I dont want to accept this!
Don't want to see it all as just a dead thing before it dies!
I had something!
I had something beautiful!!
The world still spun around in all its arbitrary fury,
But I had something to hold tight to, something beautiful!

And I fucked it up!
I did exactly what i never wanted to do, I turned it into something cold and weary!!
Now screaming in fear, I hold tighter and it squirms away, pushing me off!!

And the faster I run to catch it, to hold it, the faster it runs to escape, the more it recoils from my touch.
Dreaming of a world that has stopped dreaming of me, going away, driven away by the more desirable idea of new dreams.

And I dont seem to be accepting it.
And i dont want to accept it!
I dont want to get used to losing the few things that make me feel!
I was the filth! But I had something.

And the noise in my head with all its voices repeats one thing, incessantly, more than anything else,
"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, DONT LET ME GO NOW. Dream of me, don't let me wake up."
But i know its only noise.

(totally stolen.)

Lolz tracked this down:



Yeah if you were in my level of wastedness that I was in in that pic then you would say 'That's tbe best human pyramid I've ever seen.' yeah there are actually four people in that photo...one of them is only legs though.

How I do miss going out...need to sell some serious stuff on ebay now but meh good times. Took some photos although not many and none of me but I think there are some of me around somewheres...Met some cool new people and caught up with some other people. Played some pool and played very badly. Well anyways here's pictures:

this pic had to go in front of the cut because it's high-larious.
( more )

Yeah St Patricks last night...Had I realised it was St Patricks I may not have left the house. It was a pretty fun night though despite the crowds and caught up with some MRA people and laughed at the ones that are still there....cuz that used to be me. Almost finished packing all my stuff up; mum is coming round today to get my mattress and couch so all I will have is a blow up mattress and I shall pretend I am camping or some such. Can't wait to get away from Mt Gravatt. Realised just how much this place is depressing the hell out of me when I went for my walk the other night. Yeah well those streets just have too many memories and I really can't handle it anymore so I'm looking forward to getting a fresh start and not being stuck in a job I don't like in a house I don't wanna live in. Oh yeah and old chicks totally wanna do me.


Good fishnet, that.
( Couple more pixxxxxx )

Oh yeah and Ebay totally ruined my new money making scheme of selling imported hentai. So i've had to move my operations from ebay to here: http://www.oztion.com.au/buy/auction.aspx?itemid=1556401
BUY ANIMATED PORN!!! DO IT!

Well I know what I'll be daydreaming about for the next few days. And I'm off for my power walk, kids. And this is the typing of a girl who does not have to go to work tomorrow: bahahahhahahahahahahahaha.

Someone poured me out and filled me up with sand.
I think maybe I did.
The words dry up for hours at a time...I can't seem to get them back.
It didn't used to be like this did it? But I think it just never stopped raining inside since that night last September. And I don't know how to make it stop. And I don't know if I can.
But at least there are some people who understand, so I'll stick with them and I'll feel a little less empty. Because everything may be meaningless but it's not a reason to run away, not again.
I did that way too many times already.
I just let them all form their own opinions about why I left, because I couldn't understand it well enough to explain.
I'm so sorry. It shouldn't have been like that and it didn't happen for a reason.
Sometimes life stretches out in front of you like a long grey expanse of nothing and it's easy to get swallowed by that. And when you look back all you see is everything you ever did wrong. And the happy times don't feel real anymore.
So then what the hell do you have? You're neither here nor there you barely even exist.
But as long as you learn to accept that none of it means a damn thing, and it's okay that it doesn't, and that it doesn't have to mean anything...then you can be alright, right?
No one really has anything to live for, do they?
It's okay to have nothing because no one really has anything, everything is just a dellusion and everything can be taken away so in the end no one has anything so it's okay, right?
I'm not even really here so stop expecting me to be anything when I'm nothing at all! I can't be anymore than what I am, and this is all that's left with me so why can't I just deal with that and why can't everyone else? I don't know how to go back to before.
But I've still got this one piece of me left that remembers how to care and even though I think people deserve a lot better than that, well if that's all I've got then that's all I can do.

P.S. I would totally do Dr House.

P.P.S. I think the reason I was feeling this way was because HE WAS GOING TO BREAK MY FUCKING LIFE.

Hey look found some more pics from last Friday night on BlackRose - Justin's - myspace. Ah wasn't I just filled with joy that night...and also looking quite chubby. Yeah I need to not buy peanut butter cuz I just end up eating it with a spoon and it's really not good for me. Anyways here are the pics:


Oh these shadows hide my eyes...huwaaa

NO PHOTOS OF SLUTS PERMITTED IN THIS JOURNAL!!!! UGLY FUCKING MOLE

Didn't go out last night and staying in again tonight. Gotta save money and shiz for next weekend anyways....Cuz it is Faith and Lovecats...I found some other photos during my browsing from last halloween at Faith and I'm at odds with everything...Well not everything...but with some stuff. Things just change so fast and I know it's all for the best and things are good, really good at the moment. Hauling myself out of depression without the god damn pills and I think things are okay for the most part.
"You don't like my bad moods? How the fuck do you think I feel, I hate them more, and I'm closer to them!"

All hail the ice queen who locked her heart in the icebox and all...
But you know, it happens...Everything's alright. And I still feel overwhelmingly empty far worse than it ever was before at times, and I still feel blank and apathetic and I hate the looks of worry on their faces. I'm gonna be alright you know just need some more time that's all. I'm just trying to find my way again. Cuz at the end of it all, I guess I always knew it was going to be like this. I'll never believe again, so it's okay. <-- I'm a liar and I'm stupid and I did believe again and he ruined my entire life. I hope he's dead.

Yeah this is just exactly why I didn't want to acknowledge my birthday this year but ah well lunch soon and I shall eat some food.
I wish I could be what people wanted me to be but I just can't right now but I will try harder I just can't now I'm just a loser I just want it all to stop sometimes.
I really didn't wanna care. And soon, I really won't. My life is fine and my friends are awesome but why are they even my friends all I seem to do lately is be blank or sad or nothing just nothing. And I don't want to be anymore I'm so sick of being nothing feeling nothing not being able to talk.
Yeah last night was totally fucked. It started out so well but I guess I just wasn't ready to be cold as the moon. Not yet, but I will...I have to. I guess I'm still having trouble accepting that all those months were a lie. I hate that people have power over me. I hate that the sight of you would make me cry. It's all meaningless now there's nothing more to say but I just want this hurt to stop I just want it gone and

I feel like people just mess with my head play games till I trust them tell me what I wanna hear till I'm happy then just disappear back to their happy lives and leave me a broken hollow shell and total mockery of the human condition. OVER AND OVER AGAIN

(stole some of that from Buffy). Yeah well maybe I'm wrong but when someone doesn't even try anymore when they just don't need you anymore then what else are you supposed to think?

When Mal asked Inara why she left, she simply replied "Why didn't you ask me to stay?"


( pickchores )

Guns don't kill people. Bruce Willis kills People.

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Bruce Willis allows to live.

Bruce Willis does not sleep. He waits.

The chief export of Bruce Willis is Pain.

There is no chin under Bruce Willis' stubble. There is only another fist.

Bruce Willis does not accept apologies - he beats them out of you.

Bruce Willis has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Bruce Willis 3. Cancer

Bruce Willis doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

On his birthday, Bruce Willis randomly selects one lucky person to be thrown into the sun.

Bruce Willis doesn't go hunting.... Bruce Willis goes killing.

Bruce Willis and Bruce Campbell walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of Bruce-awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Bruce-awesome is about 80% better than regular awesome. I know because I looked it up.

Probably just for the fact that we've got a house inspection on Wednesday (ack ack ack) and then back to work on Thursday...I guess I just gotta get back into the swing of things but how I do hate impending doom....Well here's some pikchores:

Got a sword and I know how to use it! - Skanker's house Saturday night before Lovecats...
( few more pics )
I need to get to sleep........Blah blah blah mind racing too much like you might realise something but you don't accept it right away...Like I realised that everything is random and cruel and nothing happens for a reason but Saturday night I found myself wandering the streets again and searching for the REASON that I'd left the house and it never occurred to me - There never is one!!! But I still find myself searching for something like there's something I'm gonna randomly stumble upon in those darkened streets that'll make everything make sense again. I find myself gravitating towards that place but something pulls me back to the noise and the crowds. Something pulls me back from the edge and away from the black water. It hurts, but it means we're alive, right? Bright lights...dark streets...cold air across the bridge please gods make me a stone...Insomnia is teh suckz0r.

But the Raven, sitting lonely on that placid bust, spoke only
That one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
Nothing farther then he uttered; not one feather then he fluttered -
Till I scarecly more than muttered: "Other friends have flown before -
On the morrow HE will leave me as my Hopes have flown before."
Then the bird said, "Nevermore."
.........
"Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
Leave my loneliness unbroken! -quit the bust above my door!
Take thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form from off my door!"
Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

( Crown of Love lyrics )
Well it was Pete's housewarming party last Saturday. I drank too much and acted like an absolute idiot. Luckily my friends don't mind that I'm an idiot. I just remember that a couple years back that was not the case...I'm glad I got new friends. Besides Tracey, no one else I hung around with back then means a damn thing to me. Thank god.
Faith on Friday really was a good night I have to say. Much better than the week before so I'm glad I got at least one more good night at that place, even though things are going to change now. Although probably going to Lovecats Asylum on Saturday night; Faith just doesn't mean what it used to mean to me, and won't ever again, so I think it's probably best I stop going there religiously, at least for a while.
For a fleeting moment, it occurs to me to care. {But it's easier not to)
Anyways I got my medusa pierced again today man it's sexy as all hell. Here are some photos from Pete's, probably add more later.

Emo fag

Pole darncin on a hills hoist is the sex.
( more pics here )
The kitchen is cold but the coffee is warm
And the sun's coming up; the day has just begun
And you're already bored.
Bored of cheering me up, bored of calming me down
Bored of drying my eyes
But there once was a time when you were the one.
You were the blue of the sky, you came after the storm
You were the switch on the wall in the dark of the hall
I'm still fumbling for

You Were a Fox

A good observer, you often watch others while remaining unseen. Cunning and courageous, you also have a gentle side.

(I had to post this since all I did was type in my birthday and I got this answer which is freaky cool.)

You can have washington i'll take new jersey
You can have london but i want new york city

I should get providence i've got a job now
Los angeles - obvious - that's where you belong now

You can have africa asia australia
As long as you keep your hands off cafe pamplona

We can split germany right down the middle
You'd hate it there anyway
Take berlin and we'll call it even

You can have all of the carry-on baggage
I'll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language

And special occasions we'll split between parents
Who forced us to hate them on alternating weekends

You call it over and i call you psycho
Significant other?
Just say we were lovers and we'll call it even
We'll call it even

I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered
Disgused as a hero to get past your borders
I know when I'm wanted I'll leave if you ask me to
Mind my own business and speak when i'm spoken to

I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud i am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked

You get route 2 between concord and lexington
I want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment

And if we should meet through some misunderstanding
I'll be very sweet very patient and forgiving
(now get off my side of the state)

And if we should see one another in passing
Despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding
(there must be some kind of mistake)

We'll raise high the white flags and bow heads and shake hands
Declaring the land we're on unamerican
We'll call it even

We'll call it even.

I am the tower around which you orbited
I am not proud i am just taking orders
I fall to the ground within hours of impact
I hit back when hit
And attack when attacked

I am an accident waiting to happen!
I'm laughing like mad as you strangle the captain
My place may be taken, but make no mistake
From a little black black box i can say without shame
That you've lost
That you've lost
Do you know what you've lost?

So take whatever you'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe covers
Make your bed now lie
Just like you always do
You can fake it for the papers but i'm on to you I'm onto you!
So take whatever you'd like!
I'll strike like the States on fire!
You won't sleep very tight
No hiding
No safe covers
Make your bed and now lie
Just like you always do!
You can fake it for the papers but i'm on to you I'm onto you!
I'm onto you I'm onto you!

Faith is still fun - wish it was still at the old place though so I could have been watching Firefly with sound in the dark cold room! I miss the dark cold room.

Helen, you're the bomb you eljay emo nerd you :)


angry people are hilarious when their anger is not directed at you. You can quote me on that, too.

Runescape! (Erin_Autumn world 112)

my sick mad blue mystic robes with air tiara

My sexy back (since i lost my cape...woops...but hey nice back!)

and with matching mystic hat

back in the noob days in princess dress

*new robes!!!!* Erin Autumn is now Gawth As Hell Lyke LOLLLL!!

oh yeah who is the man i believe it is me

still sexy back! (Why is it that with pretty much all the robes in rs, if a boy wears them they cover them completely, but if a girl does she shows her midriff?? must be enchanted in some way!)

Yeah didn't do much today at all just cleaned the house and then played runescape pretty fun huh? Back to work tomorrow but on holidays for a week and a half starting next monday...should be a barrel of laughs, with added barrel. Faith on Friday night didn't take my camera though so no pictures this time. Everything is grey right now. there's a hole in my heart and it swallowed my voice. never even had a chance! But emo statements aside, I think everything is gonna be fine. There's so much good in life and you can't let one cloud blot out the whole sun and if it does you have to remember that it's only one cloud. Or maybe 2. But I mean...I'm still here, aren't I? Even when I disappear I'll still be here.